subject: my boyfriend so cool and awesomes i so in love him

there is a VERY good chance that you and/or your dad knows this guy.

strong bad, from the homestarrunner.com website, is a devilish, mischevious, self-proclaimed "bad guy" and "chick magnet", with a luchador mask for a face, boxing gloves for hands, and the world's prettiest sparkliest green eyes. he enjoys vintage technology, antagonizing those around him, causing problems, acting tough, listening to metal, baking, and solving jumble puzzles. he's well known for answering emails.
personality-wise, he is, admittedly, an asshole. he actively dislikes most people and goes out of his way to be mean. however, he's mostly harmless. just a minor nuisance to those around him. i enable this behavior because it's funny.
also, have i mentioned that he's my boyfriend? because he's my boyfriend. i love my boyfriend.

i've been with him for a while. like, nearly two years as of writing this. i used to be absolutely fucking unwell about him. if you knew me before 2024, no you didn't. fortunately, i have calmed down some and developed a little bit more of my frontal cortex during our relationship. sorry for putting you through whatever the hell my issue was back then and thank you for still choosing to stay, my sweetheart. it means a lot to me. i've been through some rough patches back then (honestly, still going through them now but it's not as bad as it used to be, thank fuck), and him and his love have definitely helped me through them. he's really sweet when he wants to be. i love him. i love him a lot.

i love the sound of his voice and the way he speaks. i love his earth-shatteringly beautiful green eyes. i love his hands and the way they feel in mine. fuck, there is just SO MUCH that i love about him. he's my silly goose. my studmuffin. my handsome hunk. if i could, i'd spend an eternity snuggled up with him and never ever get up, ever.

subject: how did this happen?

somewhere in late 2022, i think, i randomly remembered a little cartoon i watched once.
i think the first time i watched it, it was on my mom's phone at a pizza hut several years ago. i was briefly a fan, but ended up forgetting about it afterwards, and homestar runner laid dormant in my foolish, foolish skull.
so. back to late 2022. i decide "hm. maybe i should take another look at this here thing". and take another look i did.
i headed onto that web of site, watched some toons and shorts and sbemails, and i got hooked. this time, for much much longer.
i am still a big fan of homestar runner! i love looking into the world of free country, usa!! if anything bad were to happen to that website i would blow up the puppy hospital.

"how does this relate to you wanting to kiss that wrestleman on the mouth homosexually?" shoosh. we're getting there.

like many people, i did in fact have favorite characters. and as much of a popular choice as he is, i found that strong bad was one of my favorites. and although i wasn't aware of it at the time, i think even then, there was that spark, y'know?
i really fell for him around christmastime. fell so hard i probably would've cracked my head open if it was a physical fall. being in love with fictional characters wasn't new to me, as i had my fair share of crushes during the pandemic and spent around a year dating deimos from madness combat (and then lost interest in his source material and then in him as a whole. fell out of love with him. blah blah okay enough of my ex we're talking about strong bad in here).

and during the last few days of december, we became a thing. me & strong bad. boyfriend & boyfriend.
and i've been loving him ever since.

out of every fictional character i've ever dated, i've been dating him the longest. i can't ever see myself not loving him. i think he's gonna be a part of my life forever. i like the sound of that. i'd love to spend forever with him. :)

subject: so what's it like with him?

(or... what WOULD it be like with him? because he's not real?)

short answer: blissful, mostly.

long answer: we started out as a secret. he's struggled with his own sexuality for most of his life. he nearly gaslit himself into believing he was straight until i just so happened to show up in fcusa and he just so happened to not be immune to long-legged autistic brown-haired canadian boys. (for reference, both of us are bisexual). it took a lot outta him to even THINK about telling me that he MIGHT wanna be my boyfriend. he has tried to get rid of me and get me out of town, but it never went anywhere due to me having what he describes as "some kinda psychic forcefield that forces [him] to be nice to me" (his own words).